


of mind and memory

by bananabee



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, Memory Loss, and i love angsty bees, another one with angst bc i love suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 11:38:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14953964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananabee/pseuds/bananabee
Summary: Yang wakes up after a car crash and find herself completely confused, with no memory of who she was and of the girl who was sleeping at the end of her bed.





	of mind and memory

“Babe, I’m at the port now. I’ll be at our apartment in a few minutes.” Yang said, pressing her phone against her ear as she weaved through the throngs of people who were waiting for their luggage at the lobby of the sea port.

Blake chuckled from the other line. “ _Too excited to see me, Xiao Long_?”  
Yang let out a laugh, “You wish, Belladonna. I’m just after the sweet and sour fish I’m sure you’ve cooked for dinner.”

“ _I knew it. What a betrayal_.”  
“Yep. I’m sorry you had to find out like this, babe.”  
“ _Heh. I’m gonna take a bath. I stink._ ”  
“Okay. I’ll see you later.”  
“ _Stay safe, okay?_ ”  
“I will. I love you.”  
“ _I love you too._ ”

  
Yang could hear the smile in Blake’s voice, she couldn’t help but smile as well.  
Yang ended the call and put her phone into her pocket and continued waiting for her luggage. Once she spotted her bags, she grabbed it and walked towards the exit and headed out to the parking lot. Yang was excited to go home. After spending a few weeks in Patch to visit her dad, she missed her girlfriend terribly. And she couldn’t wait to see her again.

She fumbled for her car keys inside her bag. When she finally got a hold of them, she put her bags in the backseat before she slipped inside.  
“Alright, Yang Xiao Long. Time to see your girl.” she muttered to herself with a smile before she carefully drove her car out of the parking lot and in to the bustling streets of Downtown Vale.

Surprisingly, the 5 PM traffic wasn’t that bad. She figured she’d be home in twenty minutes tops. She’d be back home with Blake in just twenty minutes tops. The thought made her smile to herself as she drove, she didn’t notice a big truck a few blocks behind. The truck was swerving left and right, as if the driver lost control.  
The driver honked his horn, trying to warn the cars ahead of him.

Yang heard the horn and looked at the rearview mirror. Despite sometimes having the tendency to speed off when she was on her motorcycle, she was a careful driver when it came to driving her car and she was very proud of her accident-free and violation-free record since she started driving. Yang immediately looked for a path where she could swerve without harming other people and herself. She spotted an empty road to her right. But before she could turn right, she saw a school bus ahead.

It looked like it got stuck in a shallow hole on the road. She saw the bus driver checking the wheels. She started panicking when she saw that the truck was headed straight towards the direction of the bus.

This is not good, Yang. This is not good. This is not good.  
“Shit.” Yang muttered to herself.

_Yang, don’t be a hero._

She thought of the people on the bus.

_Fuck._

Yang bit her lip. She heard screams from outside.

She couldn’t just let other people die.

  
She swallowed and pressed a foot down the accelerator. Her heart was pounding but she grit her teeth and swerved left, intercepting the truck.  
It happened quickly that she did not even notice the truck slamming against her side of the car. The airbag proved to be useless since she was thrown sideways, her head hitting the window hard. She felt her body getting thrown out through the window. Yang heard screams, she was pretty sure they were not hers. She was seeing black and white. She could not focus. Yang saw a blurry vision of a man looking at her through the broken glass, asking if she was okay. She could only murmur. She felt something warm gushing out of her head, Yang lifted her hand and touched it.

It was red.

And that was the last thing she saw.

***

She was facing the ceiling when she regained consciousness and opened her eyes. She had to focus and refocus to clear her vision. She blinked once, twice, thrice. She noticed an outline of a raven haired girl at the end of the bed that came into a focus — a bed she didn't recognize and a girl who was even more unfamiliar to her.

The girl lifted her head up from her arms. She saw amber eyes filled with relief in them as soon as she looked at her.

"Y-You're awake." The girl stammered.

She nodded. Her head hurt, so she closed her eyes again and drifted back to sleep. She felt something squeeze her hand as she slipped back into the darkness.

***

When she woke back up again, she noticed that the girl was still there. She didn't know how long it had been, but her headache had ceased.

An empty feeling replaced the pain.

She felt nothing. Blank.  
She shifted against the bed, trying to sit up. She cringed as pain shot down her spine and spread across her ribs. This caused the other girl to lift her head back up, looking alarmed.

“Yang —”

Who?

She stared blankly at the woman before her, she opened her mouth to try to speak but nothing came out. She shut her eyes and tried to speak again.  
“W-where —” she found herself stopping, startled by her own voice. The woman moved closer and tried to hold her hand but she flinched and drew her hand away.  
She looked at the woman, eyebrows furrowed.  
“Yang?” the woman spoke again.  
She stared at her in confusion. Her head started to pound again.  
“Yang, are you —”  
“Do I know you?”

***

" _Your name is Yang Xiao Long, twenty-two years old. A week ago, a truck crashed into your car when you drove in front of it to stop it from hitting a school bus. You suffered severe damage in your back and head, had several broken ribs and a dislocated arm. And while it looks like your spine will be okay, you seem to have some form of memory loss._ "

With eyes closed, she repeated the information that was given to her earlier by the doctor. She shut her eyes and tried to take it all in.

Retrograde amnesia was what the doctor called it. Her memories may or may not come back. There was nothing that can be done, she was lucky to have even survived.

 _Think of this as a new start in life_ , one of the attending nurses told her. And though the nurse’s tone dripped with positivity, she saw that the nurse looked at her with pity.

It made her feel sick.

  
The nurse gave her her — Yang's phone. The phone had so many pictures in it. She stared at the girl who looked like the one she saw when she looked into the mirror. The same long blonde hair and lilac eyes. The girl posed with other people, smiling and laughing. She noticed that most of the pictures were with the girl who was there when she woke up.

She could not remember the girl’s name.

Some pictures were with two other girls, one girl with hair so ice blonde it was nearing white, and one with a shorter brunette with red highlights on the tips. Swipe after swipe after swipe there was a new face she did not recognize, taken on a date she did not even remember.

The phone’s wallpaper displayed one of the pictures of her and the other girl. She looks at it with confusion as her stomach twisted in knots.  
She felt that bad and sick to her stomach, she had a feeling that the girl was someone so important and she could not even remember her name.

***

Yang got cleared weeks later. She still had tests to be run though along with checkups twice a month but she was cleared to go home. Apparently, home was inside an apartment complex that stood out the Vale skyscraper.

She caught the amber eyed girl who showed her to her home put down a bag on the couch.

“Are those your bags?” she asked, her voice still sounded foreign and unfamiliar as she addressed the girl. Blake, she tells herself. Her name’s Blake.

“Y-yeah.” She answered, a little startled. Yang barely talked to her at the hospital aside from when she asked for water.

“What does that mean? Are you sleeping here?” Yang asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Um, yeah. Yang I li —”

“Do you not live somewhere..?”

Blake hesitated for a moment, and then she gave her a smile.

 _Did she find this funny? I am confused_ , Yang thought to herself but the smile was a small one, and to Yang, it was leaning more towards sadness rather than amusement.

"Um, I do, but the doctor told me to keep an eye on you. For a while, at least."

“Oh.” Yang replied. She then proceeded to scan her apartment. She pressed her hand against a cool, painted wall and traced her fingertips across the couch and the table.

Blake let out a sigh, she felt her heart getting crushed by the weight of the fact that Yang could not remember.

Blake watched her make her way around the apartment.

And Yang kept trying not to think about the way Blake was looking at her when she thought she was not looking.

***

  
That night, Yang lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling.

  
_I’m Yang Xiao Long, twenty-two years old. A week ago, a truck crashed into my car when I drove in front of it to stop it from hitting a school bus._

 _I’m Yang Xiao Long and I don’t remember anything else_.

She let out a frustrated breath and buried her face in a pillow.

Outside the room, Blake lay on the couch as she let her mind drift back to the last conversation she had with Yang before the accident.

 _I love you._  
  
She shut her eyes.

Her memories might never come back.  
  
And with that, Blake curled into a ball and cried herself to sleep.

***

It’s been days but there was still nothing. Blake has tried everything. The previous morning she tried inside jokes during a conversation with her to see if it jogs anything.

“You told me your favorite meal time was breakfast.” She had told Yang.

The blonde looked at her, puzzled. “I did?”

“Yeah. Because you get to show off your cooking prowess first thing in the morning. You told me it was _egg_ -citing.” Blake said, laughing a little.

She looked at Yang, searching for a reaction to the pun, hoping she’d laugh too.

Instead, Yang smiled awkwardly. “Um. Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

Blake bit the inside of her cheek.

_Don’t cry. Not here._

“No problem.” she said, giving Yang a soft smile.

Blake tried showing her pictures the day before that. She tried telling her who were in them, where, when, the stories behind them.

“This is Ruby, right? My sister. And uh Wine — Weiss, right? When was this?” Yang asked, showing Blake a picture. It was a picture of them with Ruby and Weiss. It was taken during one of the cheesy double dates Yang and Ruby had made her and Weiss agree to. In the picture, Ruby beamed and had both her arms around Weiss whose blush was evident. Yang had an arm around Blake, grins plastered on both their faces.

“Yes. It was during the last day of the Vytal Festival. You and Ruby wanted to go to the fair grounds and eat at the noodle stall Weiss pretends to hate. I came for the tuna special.” Blake replied, smiling fondly at the memory.

Yang felt something tug at her heartstring.

She didn’t recognize what the feeling was for sure, but she knew it had something to do with seeing Blake’s smile.

***

The day before that, people came by to see them. First were Ruby and Weiss, who came home from Atlas. They spent the whole morning talking about the things they thought would help Yang’s memory. Ruby told her stories of their childhood, their drunken Uncle Qrow, Summer, Taiyang, and Zwei. Yang nodded and listened intently, cataloging the stories in her brain.

During the afternoon, more people came by and re-introduced themselves to Yang one-by-one but to her there were still so many names to match to so many faces and by the end of it she's exhausted and drained

_Jaune. Pyrrah. Nora. Ren. Sun. Ilia. Neptune._

Everything is muddled and overwhelming and confusing but they were all laughing, cracking jokes like there was absolutely nothing wrong, like everything was normal. Yang knew they were doing it for her but it only made her feel alienated.

It made her sick. They talked like old friends and they chattered on about things that happened in the past as if that would help. All of it made her want to rip out her hair and scream I'm not the Yang you are all taking about I'm not Yang I'm Not Yang

Blake caught on to her growing frustration and made all of them leave. Ruby wrapped Yang in a tight hug and told her to call her if she wanted to see her.

After that it was quiet again. Her head hurt, but she felt grateful to Blake. She gave her a rare smile before she drifted off to sleep.

***

"Blake, can you tell me about what Ya — what I was like?" Yang asked her while they were in the car, on the way to another visit to the doctor for her check up.

Blake sighed, she hated it when Yang talked about herself like she was someone else.

"Hm." she replied as she bit her lip.

Yang felt like Blake was the best person who would be able to tell her who she was.

"Cheerful. You don’t like it when people touch your hair but you told me I was the exception. You’re kind to everyone, that's probably what got you into this mess in the first place." she smiles bitterly. "You love puns. You almost drove Weiss insane, and you used them to annoy me, even though I —”

"Were you annoyed by me a lot?"

Yang asked, without malice, but still caught Blake off guard. Her eyes darted from the road to Yang's face as she frowned. "N-No, I-No I found them funny honestly and you, um, I mean -" she cleared her throat. "Anyway, back to you."

"What did I like?" Yang pressed on.

"Dogs. Kickboxing. You love soccer, and your motorcycle, Bumblebee. You love baking too. You said when you were little you wanted to be a baker, you would've been pretty good at it too. You were pretty hotheaded, you even got into trouble because of it a few times. But you liked being around others and, others really liked being around you."

Yang blinked and stared at the palm of her hands. She had very large shoes to fill.

"Sorry, I'm not a very good Yang, am I?"

Blake pulled up into the hospital parking lot and stayed silent for a few moments.

Finally, she took a deep breath.

"To me, you'd always be a perfect Yang."

***

During one really hot afternoon, Yang made herself busy by sorting through the pictures Ruby had dropped off earlier.

She had her earphones on and had classical music play as she tried to match the faces to the names she was beginning to be familiar with. She already knew what her Uncle Qrow looked like, what her dad did, both Summer and Raven too. All she had problems with were her friends. Yang had so many she had trouble remembering their names, faces, and their stories.

 _The one with sunglasses is Coco, I work with her or something and the other girl with us is uh Velvet I think I work with her too_ , she thought to herself as she put down a picture of the three of them holding up champagne glasses.

She thought it’d be easier from that point on but when she got to a picture of her with practically ten people, her mind started freeze and her head started hurting again. That, in addition to the afternoon heat made her frustration grow even more so she decided to take a shower to calm herself down.

“Ugh.” she exhaled and set the pictures down the living room table. She got up and stretched before making her way to the bedroom to grab a fresh towel. It then when she noticed she was still listening to classical music. She figured she didn’t want to listen to that as of the moment so she switched to a playlist that featured pop songs she couldn’t believe she actually listened to and went to the bathroom.

Yang almost dropped her iPod and her towel when she entered.

Blake, who was inside taking a shower, bare and naked, dropped her soap when she saw Yang.

Both of them froze, staring at each other, for almost a full minute before Yang snapped out of it.

“Shit. Oh my god. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here I had earphones on oh my god I’m so sorry,” she exclaimed profusely, covering her eyes.

“Um,” Blake began after being silent for a moment. There was a hint of shyness in Blake’s usually composed tone.

“I-It’s okay. Uh don’t worry. It’s not like you, uh, —” she cleared her throat “— haven’t seen me naked before.”

“What.” Yang said as she dropped her hands, heat rose from her cheeks. “Oh my god.”

Blake blushed. “I —”

“No, Iammgonnaleaveandletyoufinishiamsorryohmygod” Yang said in one breath before dashing out of the bathroom and hurriedly closing the door behind her.

She sat on the couch and buried her face in her hands. Her heart was pounding, and Yang just knew she was blushing too.

***

Days after the awkward mess in the bathroom, Yang found a stack of notebooks under the bed while she was rummaging around her room.

They were journals that dated all the way back to the beginning of high school. She pored over them, tried to absorb every last bit of information she could get about who she was, and who she needs to be.

She read and memorized the words and the unfamiliar handwriting.

She met Blake in 10th grade, started dating her in 11th. Six years. She wasn't surprised by the information though.

Yang realized she wrote so much. There was something new for each day, and there were a lot of details she wished she could remember: being a striker and the captain of both their high school and university’s soccer team and getting thrown off a mechanical bull and her first party and the taste of the raspberry sundae she ate for dessert on her first date with Blake.

She found the journals really helpful but it almost felt wrong, like she was reading someone else's stories, not her own inner thoughts.

"I can’t believe you still have those."

Blake stood in the door way and looked at her with a sad look in her eyes. Yang's face stayed blank as Blake moved toward her. "You always said they were embarrassing, as if I didn’t already know what a sap you secretly were. I always respected your wishes, but I was always curious." Blake let out a soft laugh.  
Yang blinked.

"You loved her, didn't you?" she asked.

There was a beat of silence.

Blake closed her eyes and nodded. "More than she'll ever know."

The implications of that hung in there air for a moment before Yang broke the tension again.

"I think. Maybe. You're the one who doesn't know. She loved you so much. It’s so unapologetically obvious."

Blake froze, but Yang continued as she stared back down at the journal on her lap.

"She wrote in here exactly how many freckles are on your shoulders and your back; she counted them three times while you were sleeping one night. She liked the way your eyes lit up especially when you talk about the things you’re passionate about. She loved how peaceful and calm you looked when you slept. She loved how you cared so much for the people you love. She loved how you're true to yourself. She loved the texture of your hair, and that one time you agreed to watch over Zwei while she was gone and didn't even grumble about it. Every single little nuance you can think of, she wrote about it."

Blake listened before she broke out that fond smile she sometimes used and it made Yang lower her eyes to the ground. She reminded herself that Blake was smiling at the person Yang was, a memory, not who she is right now.

It grew quiet around them again.

"Um. Sorry, Blake, I think I'm a little tired right now. I'm going to bed early tonight."

The shorter girl hesitated but nodded eventually. "Okay. Good night, Yang."

“Good night, Blake.

***

Blake came back home from the store the next day and Yang was nowhere to be found.

Panic ran through every single vein, muscle, bone she had.

Yang’s cell phone lay on the table.

More waves of panic surged inside her when she realized there was no way to contact her. She called everyone she could think of but no one had seen her either. She was just about to call the police when the front door opened and there she was herself, carrying a plastic sack with her golden locks pulled back into a ponytail.

"Where have you been?" Blake said, she meant to make it sound snappier but it just came out exhausted and panicked and worried and desperate. It made Yang flinch, averting her Blake’s eyes.

"I—" she started to say, but then stopped, pulling out what was in the bag.

Cookie mix.

Blake cocked her head in confusion, but before she could ask Yang continued.

"I went to the dog shelter to go see if I can volunteer. It took awhile because I had to write my name down so they could contact me about this initiation program I need to go through first." she sucked in a breath, and her voice cracked when she said "Y-Yang loved dogs, right?"

Blake opened her mouth but Yang just kept talking. "And then I went to the store and picked up some cookie mix. You told me Yang used to love baking. She loved baking for Ruby, Weiss, and for you. I read about it." she sniffled. "Ruby loved chocolate fudge, Weiss loved red velvet, and you loved white chocolate. I tried to — to read some recipes for your favorite but I couldn't understand them, so I thought it would just be easier to do it t-this way."

"Yang,”

Her lips curled, hearing the pain in Blake's voice. The package dropped to the floor and her hands balled up into fists at her side as she looked up at Blake, with tears in her eyes.

"I'm not! I'm not Yang yet!" Frustration evident in her wavering voice. "I'm not good enough. I told the people at the shelter I'd have to come back later because I couldn't remember my own phone number, I can't even read a simple recipe! I'm not —” she paused, stifling a sob “— I'm not good enough yet."

Blake took a step forward but Yang’s head spun. She pressed backward, until her back hit the wall and slumps down. Hair is slipping out of her ponytail, and it falls around in small pieces, framing her face. Blake slid down and leaned beside her against the wall.

"Good enough for what?" she asked.

Yang laughed bitterly. "For this. For everything —" she paused again. "— mostly for you."

Blake did not even miss a beat. "You'll always be good enough for me, you boob."

Yang shook her head.

"And if I don't remember anything ever? Any of the past? If I only know what I know from reading journals and hearing people talk about me, would you?" she inhaled a shaky breath. "You'd still love me? You’d still love Yang?"

Blake felt the words were stuck in her throat but she managed to get them out anyway. "I never stopped loving you and I never will."

Yang met Blake’s gaze, wiping away the tears that obscured her vision.  
"Yang still loves you. I still love you. I couldn't understand why, not until I read the journals. I just knew that I wanted you to be by my side and I appreciated your presence. I think I might have known that there was something even before I read what she — what I wrote. But it was like, like reading someone else's life and it sounded so great but it didn't happen to me. It's not fair. It’s not fair that you can remember our first meeting and the first time we held hands and even our first kiss and none of that has happened." she shook her head. "Not to me."

Blake reached up and wiped away the tears on Yang’s cheek, before cupping it and leaning in. It happened slowly, giving Yang enough time to anticipate it, but Blake kissed so softly and gently that the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach had moved up to her chest. She didn't know where to put her hands and she knew it should have felt awkward but it was so natural and right that she almost whined when Blake pulled away.

"And now, you do remember our first kiss." Blake said with a smirk. But Yang could not miss the blush present on her cheeks. Blake cleared her throat and hopped up off the floor, and it made Yang want to pout and press her lips against the other girl's again and she felt like this was all so familiar, like this happened a lot.

"Why don't we try baking the cookies together? I was your favorite assistant, after all. Since I was the only one who could stop you from eating all the batter though."

Yang stared at Blake for a moment and she smiled.

For the first time after she woke up in the hospital bed, Yang truly felt like herself.


End file.
